Crazy-flavored tailspin

I’m trying to laugh at how my brain works, simply because if I don’t, I’ll cry.

These mood swings are… Ughhhhh! I can’t even find the words.

I’m spinning. Not on a bike (’cause that would be useful), but in my head. I need, more than anything, to be in a place where one little thing doesn’t send me into a panic.

Last night, I got a piece of my soul back, reconnecting with EZ, my long lost friend. We caught up on family, work, and how our lives have changed. I told him about my new healthy life, and commented on how much stronger I am now. He told me I’d always been strong. Funny how others see it in me and I don’t.

Tonight, I’m trying to channel that strength. And, as I told someone earlier today, you can’t pay me to go back to where I was, to the 61 pounds I’ve removed, to the Fat Chick clothes, to the girl who didn’t believe in herself about anything other than business stuff (and not always then). My health is worth more than that.

I have to find a way to flip the spin into positive energy and let it drive me to my goals instead of crashing into the side of that mountain. Coach would call it finding the chip for my shoulder. I’ll see it eventually, I usually do. And then, you’ll hear me say, “Hey punk, let’s dance.”

Right now, I’m gonna ride out the spin and do my best to keep the motion sickness in check.

Wish me luck,
B

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